Whims of Adversity

Jan | 29 | 2024

As I ponder to compose this soliloquy, I am bewildered by the stark emptiness that quantifies my aura.

I reckon its been almost 15 minutes and I have just finished my first sentence.

Am I seeking perfection to describe my void or is it just a blatant summary of my inept execution challenges that possibly defines my life ?

I am often confounded in the paradox of understanding the rhythm of life, be it vision, process, goals, values, principles, etc.

I realize that everything is relative from one's perspective; yet, what is my perspective ?

This deluge of emotions that surrounds me sometimes makes me numb, often paralyzing me in my own thoughts. 

Am I not divine in my prayers ? Or is this divine entanglement of life ? Is divinity everything or nothing or both ? See how random my thoughts are. This is how I quiver between in-focus/ out-of-focus almost consistently all my life. 

If I plot my life on a graph, it is often propounded by this erraticity of going above and beyond reaching for the stars and plunging into the abyss randomly almost inexplicably. For, it is one hell of an EKG chart.

I do appreciate the enormity of love and bliss divinity has to offer in every paradigm of life. This unfathomable quest for doing the right thing yet fizzling in almost every step often encapsulates my life and my existence.

A soused night at a bar triggered this blues composition

A SINKING SOUL 

Why do I feel the way I feel ?
Blues mutter, upon myself;
Livid, my heart seems...
Seeking tranquil, in this clutter called life.

Dissolution of myself from moonshine ?
Just to realize it ain't no abstinence.
It's not the memories that I try to fend,
Just a pang, that ensnares my soul.

It's a mirage, this walk, you know;
Will take you down, piece by piece;
Until there is nothing left....
But just a notion of yourself !

Health Restoration Project

Its been a while since i have put my thoughts on paper.

So it's finally it.
am gonna go cold turkey today and will prove to myself that my will is stronger than me !

AuDiOpHiLe

Some of the Audiophile terminologies

CROSSOVER :
Why do speakers NEED crossovers? Because very few drivers of any type - dynamic, electrostatic, or flux-capacitor - can reproduce the entire audible range with equal linearity. Crossovers allow a speaker designer to use multiple drivers specifically created for particular frequency ranges, a three-way design typically has a bass, midrange, and treble driver with one crossover circuit between the woofer and the midrange, and a second one between the midrange and the tweeter. - See more at: http://audiophilereview.com/reference-speakers/crossovers-are-evil.html#sthash.Prumo9Ut.dpuf

My Melancholy

Why do I always try so hard;
When I see things always eventually fall apart.
Why do I always try 'n give too much;
When all that I get back is emptiness that I Stare at so much.

My heart sometimes feels the peel,
Of this ravaging life, obscure and oblivious;
Battling and scrambling it tries to heal;
With brevity in darkness - how conspicuous !

.....

Sometimes...
No matter how nice i am to people.. They just don't understand me.

Nobody understands the fact that i can get hurt too.

I cant take it when people are rude to me, I just suck up the pain and sometimes my heart cringes so bad
i feel like i have a heart attack...

Random Thoughts

One of those nights.. when ur morale takes a beating...
and u really want to get up and make ur heart stronger and take a fight..

Feeling Tonight

I walk along alone tonight,
with an endless path to cross and climb;
amidst the fallow and fazed sight,
i set this empty goal tonight.

deja-vu for i can see..
with every step, i fall asleep,
reveries that want me to be..
everything that i was never meant to be.

Endless winter and summer nights,
call my soul to take this fight;
Nor a win or loss can make it right..
its the heart, i will show, the world tonight.